Honoring Father
Photo by R. Howard Eastwood, Eastwood Studios, Wichita, 1993.
Father’s Day
“For God said, ‘Honor your father ….’” –Matthew 15:4a
As the week began, I drafted the order of worship, and set a direction toward a topical sermon for Father’s Day. As each day passed, my concern about that direction grew. What do I know about fatherhood that you don’t already know from relating to fathers, or being a father? By yesterday, I was sure that a sermon about fatherhood wasn’t such a good idea. But the bulletin was printed. So I guess we’re stuck with it. My writing ricocheted in different directions that still don’t seem very well connected. I’m going to share a few of these directions, with the prayer that the Holy Spirit may yet make something useful out of them.
I started with a question a preacher might ask: “What does the Bible really say about fatherhood?” Turning to my reference library, I found that the Hebrew word “ab,” meaning “father,” occurs about 1,200 times in the Old Testament, and that the Greek word “pater,” also meaning “father,” occurs about 400 times in the New Testament. In either language, the word can refer to a biological father, grandfather, ancestor, other respected father figures, or God. Sixteen-hundred references is a lot to cover.
Many of us have heard that Jesus addressed God as “Abba” – an informal version of Ab, meaning something like “daddy” or “papa.” But “Abba” appears only three times in the Bible: in the Gospel of Mark when Jesus addresses God as Abba Father, and in Galatians and Romans, when Paul uses the word. [1] More formal references to father outnumber these three by something like 500:1, so we notice that both Jesus and Paul spoke to God the Father as one who is very close and dear to them.
Some biblical passages give advice, such as “fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” [2] There are texts about how children are to treat fathers, including the commandment, repeated by Jesus and Paul, “Honor your father (and your mother).” [3] Of course, “honoring” means something more substantial than sending a greeting card. In the context in which the command arose, “honoring” father had something to do with how families and societies were ordered for survival in a dangerous world. When facing the threat of enemies, things tend to work out best not when we look out for self-interest, but when we pay attention to our obligations to one another.
Wednesday, as I was thinking about this material, I began to ponder news coming out of the Southern Baptist Convention. The delegates to the annual meeting approved a constitutional amendment to ordain “only men as any kind of pastor or elder as qualified by Scripture.”[4]They went on to finalize the expulsion of several congregations with female pastors. [5]
Most of you know that I’ve previously advocated for the full inclusion of women in ordained ministry. If you look at the broad scope of scripture, the case for “men only” isn’t nearly so strong as some think it is. I believe the current direction of the SBC is insensitive to the movement of the Holy Spirit, and unjust toward women whom God has called to service. Perhaps some of those women will find their way to the Presbyterian Church.
I mention the debate in the SBC for the way it reflects conversations in our larger culture about male gender roles. One stream of American Christianity is comfortable with traditional assumptions. In our stream of American Christianity, we’ve learned that traditional assumptions often have been the basis by which the authority and power of men are championed at the expense of women. The “Me Too” movement has taught us that traditional assumptions sometimes have enabled and shielded toxic expressions of masculinity that have caused great harm to women.
On a more positive note, our growing sensitivity to gender stereotyping means we no longer neatly box up which occupations, hobbies, interests, and behaviors are acceptable only for men, and which are acceptable only for women. Today, men have more freedom to define their identity and role than they once did, and that includes re-defining how to be a father in ways that participate more fully in making a home, and raising their children. There’s a TV commercial that says, “This isn’t your father’s Buick,” which we could echo by saying, “This isn’t your father’s version of fatherhood.” In some respects, that’s a positive and healthy development.
Thursday, I looked over new photos and video of my granddaughter sent by my son, which got me thinking about how this is the first Father’s Day that Ben is celebrating as a father. I remembered the joy I felt at his birth, and the exciting milestones following. I thought about the major tasks of my fathering experience.
I remembered two occasions when my ministry required a move to a new city and new home, which meant Ben had to navigate new terrain, too. During a rough patch, I presented him a birthday gift of a poem meaningful to me, printed on archival paper and framed. I notice he still displays it in his home today. It’s the Rudyard Kipling poem “If,” rather lengthy, but with lines many of you will find familiar:
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same ….
After all the contingencies that follow, Kipling brings the poem to a close by stating the difference that such character will make (if you can do these things):
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son! [6]
The Kipling poem is one way of defining what it means to be a person of integrity, and for me embodies the sort of life lessons a father should be passing on to his children.
Friday, I decided that I couldn’t talk about fatherhood without mentioning the best parable I ever heard about it, actually a true story. Many years ago, Kruger National Park in South Africa had more elephants than the park could sustain. So game managers relocated a younger and easier-to-transport portion of the herd to Pilanesberg Park. Things went well until rangers began to find dead rhinos – at least 39. Poachers were suspected, and video camera surveillance was set up.
But instead of spotting humans on the hunt, game managers were startled to discover that young bull elephants were harassing the rhinos. In a real life version of the old children’s “Babar” stories, elephants were pitted against rhinos, except this time the elephants were the bad guys. After menacing rhinos in various ways, elephants pursued them over great distances. When the rhinos were exhausted, they were stamped to death.
These now teenage members of the elephant group, separated from their parents in childhood, were led by a handful of particularly bad characters. Scientists discovered that the young bulls were “suffering from an excess of testosterone,” and were becoming increasingly violent. Rangers called these elephant thugs “gang leaders,” and at least two had to be destroyed.
Then someone got the idea to introduce this group to older, more mature bull elephants. Perhaps the more powerful males could rein in the teenagers. The plan worked.
Scientists say that the reasons are both obvious and subtle. It’s true that the more powerful males became the dominant partners for the females, and the younger bulls were left out in the cold. But it wasn’t just a matter of intimidation. The young bulls, after a few useless skirmishes with the older bulls, began to follow the older bulls around. They obviously enjoyed their association with them. They yielded to their discipline. They learned from them proper elephant behavior. The killing of rhinos stopped. [7]
News columnist William Raspberry took these events to be lessons for our troubled society. He argued that the absence of responsible males, no matter the cause of the absence, has serious consequences for children, particularly younger males. He suggested that reintroducing responsible men into the lives of younger males could lead to huge rewards.
Who are the father figures in your life? What qualities in them shaped you? For the men among us, to whom are you a father? What are your words and actions teaching younger men and boys who look up to you?
That’s all I have to offer. Except to say “thank you” to our fathers for your love and labor, for modeling good character and devoted service. And, at Father’s Day, when you could be spending your time in many ways, special thanks to those fathers who hear my voice for demonstrating through your example the priority and value of time spent worshiping God.
NOTES
[1] Mark 14:36, Romans 8:15, and Galatians 4:6.
[2] Ephesians 6:4.
[3] Exodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16, Mark 7:10, Ephesians 6:2.
[4] https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/14/us/southern-baptist-women-pastors-ouster.html
[5] https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/13/us/southern-baptist-movement-women-pastors.html
[6] https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46473/if---
[7] The account of the elephants is reported by William Raspberry, “Elephant experiment a parable for inner cities,” The State Journal-Register, 5 March 1999, sec. A, p. 9, col. 1.
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